Botched Chadification 'Masculinity Under Threat' lyrics, by Adam Lehrer

Adam shares the lyrics for the debut EP by his and Alex Bienstock's conceptual rock n' roll duo

In the midst of writing the longest and hopefully greatest piece of fiction I’ve ever written, not to mention keeping this project updated, not to mention hosting the System of Systems podcast, not to mention writing monthly columns for Compact and works of criticism and essays for other publications, not to mention preparing old arts works to be sent to Oslo for a group show, not to mention curating an exhibition here in New York, I’ve also squared away some time to save rock n’ roll and to save men from themselves.

Along with one of my best friends and a fellow Counter-Agent to be sure, Alex Bienstock, I’ve started the conceptual rock n’ roll duo Botched Chadification. ‘Stock is on guitar and production. Me? I write the lyrics and scream my fucking head off. For four Saturdays straight, I’d arrive at Alex’s house with the lyrics ready to go on my Apple Notes. He’d have the music pre-recorded. I would then howl at the moon and shriek at the devil, using my innate enhanced sense of rhythm to find the method in Bienstock’s madness. Every Saturday, a new track recorded. And then, we’d go shopping. A transcendental ritual of oozing machismo.

Given the methods in which we’re presenting the project and our prior notorieties as conceptual artists and polymaths, of sorts, you might be tempted to write Botched Chadification off as some jokey one-liner conceptual art project. To a degree, that’s true (and we’ve had gallery interest in the project, so suck on that.) But the truth is, it only started as such. In the process of creating these songs, we tapped into the primal forces of masculine nature and created something true. Something pure. ROCK N’ FUCKING ROLL, BABY!

Botched Chadification is a return to vainglorious rock n’ roll. It is a resurrection of a moment when rock music expressed the divine will of the phallus. We hereby rejoice and celebrate all men who will do anything to be CHAD’s, even if it means BOTCHING themselves in the process. BE A CHAD GET BOTCHED AND DIE, that’s the truth of the matter.

Botched Chadfication’s debut EP, Masculinity Under Threat, is available in limited numbers now from Safety Propaganda Records. BUY THE ALBUM HERE

To celebrate the release of this masterpiece wading through the pitfalls of contemporary masculinity and celebrating its failures, I present you the lyrics to each of the four mesmerizing tracks on Masculinity Under Threat…

1. “Dylan Roof Should Have Gotten Buccal Fat Removal”

If Dylan
Had gotten the Buccal
FAT REMOVAL

Then those
Poor People
WOULD STILL BE ALIVE

If I can’t get
Mine own
Buccal
FAT REMOVAL

Then I will Kill
More people
Than Dylan Ever Did

Dylan and I
Dylan and I
Dylan and I

Getting the Buccal

Fat Removal

TOGETHER

We fuck and suck
We fuck and suck
We fuck and suck

IN HELL

2. “Nu-Rape (Ballad for Knight Landesman)”

His suit the color of blood
A cock thirsty wolf
In faggot’s clothing
Discussing careers in art

Nu-rape
Nu-rape
The Nu-rape
Nu-Rape

Knight  nu-rapes tonight

Arts media 
Is not safe
When Knight Landesman
He rapes

He ran it all
He raped
He looks like a magic gnome

Nu-rape
Nu-rape

The Nu-rape
Nu-Rape

Knight nu-rapes tonight

HE RUNS THE ART WORLD WITH AN IRON MICRO

Landesman, Landfill
THE CUNT
Landesman, Landfill
THE HOLE

Landesman is back

Taking
Four Hims at a time

His micro
Is rock hard
The art world bows
TO HIS DICK

He runs the art world
With an Iron

MICROOOOOOOOOOOOOO

3. “Synthoholics”

I hate my puny arms
I hate my puny delts
I hate my punk dick
I think, that I need some help

SYNTHOL SYNTHOL SYNTHOL
SYNTHOHOLICS
SYNTHOL SYNTHOL SYNTHOL
SYNTHOHOLICS

[REDACTED] genetics evade me

I want to look like that
Like my favorite bodybuilders
Ronnie Coleman’s bicep peaks
I need a little push

SYNTHOL SYNTHOL SYNTHOL
SYNTHOHOLICS
SYNTHOL SYNTHOL SYNTHOL
SYNTHOHOLICS

[REDACTED] genetics evade me

I look like fuckin’ shit
I’m so skinny fat
I’m too fuckin’ lazy
To put in the real work

SYNTHOL SYNTHOL SYNTHOL
SYNTHOHOLICSSSSSSSSSSSS

4. “In Hims, We Trust”

In Hims, we trust
In Hims, we trust
In Hims, we motherfucking trust

Too much liquor to fuck
Too much Oxy to fuck
Too much deca to Fuck

NO FEAR NO FEAR NO FEAR
Cuz in Hims

In Hims we motherfucking trust

In Hims, we trust
In Hims, we trust
In hims, we motherfucking trust

Nerves suffocating my dick
A flaccid repulsive noodle
No fear of failure

Because in Hims
We trust

In Hims, We Trust

In Hims, we motherfucking trust